The Long Goodbye

And so we begin the process of saying goodbye . . . or so long. It's heartbreaking, if not precious, to watch. Kathryn seems to want to skip this whole step of being together before Tara leaves. "Why bother? We're both uncomfortable and if she's just going to leave anyway . . ."

And me stuck without my "How to Guide Your Child Through All Life's Painful Moments" handbook, "It's important to spend this time together; you'll regret it if you don't."

Kathryn is the master of long distance relationships. She sees her California cousins twice a year but knows more about what's going on in their lives than of some of her school friends. She regularly calls, emails, web-cams them. She's as close to them as I am to their mother, my sister. She hasn't yet seen this as a possibility her long distance relationship with Tara.
Tara, on the other hand, is a master at relocating. She's lived all over - from Racine, WI. to Budapest, Hungary. She knows what this is like. She knows how to leave and start over. But she told me yesterday that this one is the hardest. It's the shortest time they've been somewhere, the shortest time they've had to pack up and move (she starts school on August 15) and the closest friends she's made.
I know this will be hard. But their bond is very strong. The technology is in place to keep them connected.

That's what the handbook says anyway.

Mother's Day

I never met my mother-in-law. She passed away before I met Jon. We've had many discussions about how she would have felt about me had we been able to share some part of our lives together. We always come back to the same scenario: she wouldn't have taken to me at first. "She's a bit too old for you isn't she?" "Well, she's been married before, she has baggage." We agree that in time, she would have come around. And what would have eventually brought her around, is when I became a mother. She would have adored and worshiped Kathryn and she would have approved of me as the mother of her precious granddaughter, and therefore as the wife of her beloved son.

We always bring flowers; at Christmas, a wreath. Sometimes we only stay for a few moments. Other times we stay for a long time and just sit quietly. Sometimes Jon tells us stories about what she was like.

On the day we were married (14 years ago tomorrow!) it rained all day. We stopped to visit her briefly and drop off flowers. As we pulled up in the limo and walked up, the sun poured out, and a huge rainbow appeared.
There are times when we laugh and times when we just pray quietly. Often we give Jon time to just be in her presence and Kathryn and I will wander around and look at the flowers. Then there are times we just hug and cry.
They say you can't miss something you've never had. Don't tell that to her granddaughter. Or her daughter-in-law. Happy Mother's Day to the other Mom.

What do ponies eat?

Because of the weird schedules around here, Jon, Kathryn and I had our small, family birthday celebration last night. We had some awesome cheese fondue followed by our favorite dessert of pound cake, slathered in warm vanilla pudding with chocolate chips.

There were token gifts (as the big bash was really quite enough!). In fact, I've been sworn to secrecy on the "token-ness" of the gifts and I'm keeping that promise. I made no such promise with Kathryn and asked her permission to share this with you. This gift itself cost very little. However, little, the reaction, the memory it holds and will carry forward, are indeed, priceless.

Her own words, in front of 100 people, December 29, 2007.

Mom’s 50th Birthday Speech

First of all, thank you all for coming to help my family and I celebrate my mom’s birthday. My mom, as you know is a very loving and kind person, and if she wasn’t, you probably wouldn’t be here this evening! My mom has been with me my entire life, and has supported me in an uncountable number of ways. She has always been there to carry my dad and I through good and hard times. When we are sad or hurt, she is there to tell us that we will get through this. When we are happy, she is always there to celebrate with us. My mom is a wonderful role model to me. She is strong, wise, and strives to do her best. I think of my dad and I like a flower and my mom as the stem. The flower cannot live without the stem, just like my dad and I wouldn’t do so well with out my mom…(no offense Dad!). The stem brings water to the flower, just like my mom provides us with what we need. The stem holds the flower up in any condition, rain or shine. Just like my mom supports my dad and me through hard times and good times.

My mom is very involved in my life. As if she wasn’t busy enough, being my
personal chauffeur (don’t worry Mom, 16 is only 5 years away!), she still has time to be involved in my school, church and community. My Mom is always asking me if she is a good mom. I always answer, “Yes, of course!” I mean, she must have done something right, because look at me!

And before I forget, Thank you, Mom and I love you T & B. Happy Birthday, Mom!

I'm off to buy her a pony, or a car, or to get that kid from High School Musical to arrange a date with my daughter. I mean what would you do?